Strong Republican Beliefs for the New Year

Strong Republican Beliefs for the New Year

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

3. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

4. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

5. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

6. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

7. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

8. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

9. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

10. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

God Bless America!